YOP!

as this is my little online thingy, i will type what i please.

the terry schiavo case. it inspires a large amount of pain and drama in the american public. but my opinions are considered somewhat uncompassionate. i don't truely believe they are, but anyways.

i believe the whole thing is completely blown out of proportion. put simply, mrs. schaivo should have been allowed to expire peacefully a long time ago, and her parents are being extremely selfish in the matter. right to life? well tell me, what kindof life is this paralyzed, brain damaged woman living in her hospital bed? she doesn't even know what is going on. she can't feel any pain and her responses to those around her are barely discernable, if even existant. and making this whole tragedy a media field day is the worst thing imaginable. pictures of this poor woman are trodded out on the nightly news constantly. the american public gets bent out of shape on the wrong kindof issues. we let the economy go to hell, the environment likewise, and we start and try to fix wars all over the world and these things do not incite any righteous rage. but slap pictures of a brain damaged woman all over the media with out a feeding tube, and the sleeping beast awakes. little children are arrested after assaulting police men while trying to symbolically give mrs. schaivo a glass of water, and this child's parents are proud, calling him a little christian warrior. how many more ways must we further humiliate this woman? who are we to play God, and prevent this woman's peaceful death only to further our own purposes? (for the record, because mrs. schaivo is so serverely brain damaged, she would feel no misery as she passed from this world to the next.)

sorry for the schpeil. but these things get to me.
happy almost spring break, all.

of jazz bands and nasty coughs

my throat really hurts more. but i'm cool. and i had way more fun than i usually do today. the jazz band got out of school to play in the elementary schools so little kids would join jazz band once we leave. it was cool to look at their little faces just soaking it all up. of course there were some with their hands over their ears, but you can't win them all, i say.

spring is here! the snow is gone and the air feels less harsh and more forgiving. i run around outside and collapse onto the grass. i love spring. i love the changes of the seasons. it is when they go on and on for long periods of time it gets boring. it is bad for me to be bored.

i'm kindof slacking a little. and the thing is, i don't want to be slacking. but my grades are B's instead of A's, which is bad. well, except for world studies.

dan seems better these days. i had been really worried about him, and the effects others were having on him, but he is better. this spring attitude is contagious.

starbust, by spyro gyra

short history of music

emails with jonathan bring about something in my head that is never far from conciousness; music. read: why people are musicians. there are many reasons apparently. more or less, it covers the entire spectrum of why any human would do anything. allow me to explain

1. music is just something to do- these kids permeate high school ensembles all across the nation. they pick up an instrument maybe to impress someone, maybe because they were bored, maybe even to get away from other responsibilities, or because they needed an arts credit and didn't feel like taking basket weaving. these types of musicians are often the least motivated in the entire spectrum. they do it because there is nothing else to do. these types don't really care about sounding good and more often then not, they concern themselves with how they look with the instrument in their hands.

2. music is something they were forced to do- sometimes you will find a musician who is seemingly immaculate in technique with so much skill it sickens you. yet, they are lacking something that you cannot quite put your finger on. this missing ingredient is passion for their craft, and it keeps them from truely becoming great. but who could blame them. they are musicians probably because their parents thrust an instrument in their hands at an early age and they were not allowed to pursue what they truely loved. now they do music because they don't know how to do anything else. two subtypes- the good forced musician and the bad forced musician. some of these types will rebel and refuse to gain any skill and others will gain incredible skill through hard work in hopes that the forcing factor will eventually leave them alone.

3. music is used as an ego trip- these are my least favorite types of musicians. they do music because they think it sets them appart. they do not serve the craft of music, they serve themselves. often these musicians are incredibly driven, if not to sound decent then to beat every other musician in the world, becoming the best. these people lose sight of seeking beauty in what they do. music has become a device to set them on a pedastal.

4.music because one is in love with it- this is the true reason to be a musician. quite simply, it is the one thing that you love, and you love it more than anything else in the world. these musicians are driven, and they posses the passion that makes music come alive. you pay money to listen to these musicians.

even though others might not see this, i am a musician because i am in love with music. it is the one thing that i have even loved in my life. any other love i thought i felt pales in comparison to music. maybe one day i will find someone i love just as much as i love music. but no one will ever completely replace it. allthough, to be loved like my music, well, there is no stronger love imaginable.

hboh happy day

i'm just having lots of fun right now. my life is like one of those annoying teeny movies that you won't watch because it makes you sick to your stomach.

there is promise i feel. i make new friends, play my cello. clean my room. i might even be going to michigan state if only i can prove to my parents that i am not a financial risk. i don't think i am. if i have to survive on the money i make, then i won't really spend it all on books and music. classical quartets. yum.

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	Sense of Humour
In a survival situation, you:	Scream for help
Your hidden talent is:	Adaptability
Your gift is:	Sexual prowess
In groups, you:	Blend in
Your best quality is:	Your sensuality
Your weakness is:	Your coldness
Quiz created with MemeGen!

kindof freaky. this is right on in more ways than one. except i wouldn't scream for help in a bad situation. i would more like sit and meditate, or devise a plethora of ways to escape. and i am not really a cold person. i just seem that way sometimes. stuff gets to me, bothers me. i can't watch the news without feeling pain for the top stories. roadkill makes me cry. (well, i am a vegitarian.)

*sighs happily*

or this could be mistrewn as gasping for breath. i am having some trouble with breathing today. probably due to my cough. it isn't a huge big deal. worth noting though, especially because i sound really freaky as i wheeze. gross.

i am really starting to freak out about this whole concerto soloist audition. i am pretty sure i won't make it. they will laugh at me as i slink away in humiliation. the musical prodigies of the state of michigan will look on as i am emotionally slain by the hands of the judges. these are the thoughts that motivate me, people. i am nuts. i practiced until i literally passed out. i am really insane.

but at least the week is almost over. it's friday. the weekend, times of sleeping and cleaning and practicing, beckon. i respond.

everyone is getting on the blog wagon. i feel so special.

and i really can't wait until MYAF. last year it was a little lame, but this year, i can just tell that it will be so much fun. i will be incredibly busy, for one. maybe doing this solo thing, probably not though. at least i will be doing the orchestra. the instrumentation is weird, so we might be doing a big symphony by shostakovitch. i hope i hope i hope. or maybe the rite of spring, by stravinsky. that would rock.

string quartet in f major by ravel

dan is the man

i would just like everyone to admire the awesome job dan has done on my blog layout. and he isn't even done yet. coolio. how come all my friends are so cool? *smiles*

well, it is some sort of equalibrium thing. because i am such a loser, i am destined to have unloser friends. hah!

that is the way things work. apparently someone is mad at me because i transposed the parts for mars wrong. well, tough beans. if you think you are some god or something, maybe you should learn how to transpose parts on sight.

other than that, i have been having fun.

the itsy bitsy spider

okay. maybe i need to chill.

what inspires this revalation? when i walked into 5th hour orchestra today, mr. staudacher accosted me and started pumping my hand up and down. what is going on, huh? well, he tells me that i have been nominated to be a concerto competition soloist for the youth arts festival.

whoa. back up. ME?? CONCERTO COMPETITION FINALIST?

apparently i am semifinalist, and i have to go to CMU to audition on the 7th of april. with an accompanist. and two full scores. and i can't suck like i did at state on saturday. I am doomed.

why why why? why am i hopeful? i know i will fail. realistically, there is no way that they would choose me over a plethora of much more qualified musicians. so why do i continue with the hoping? hope by definition is the tendancy to disregard logical statisitic and place insanity in the line of credibility. i could not possibly be more moronic.

cello concerto in eminor by elgar

state cryin' shame

or s+e for you cool people that don't know any music current events. i was terrible. i got a 97 out of 100, which is one point less than last year. oh my lord, profficiency III was so difficult, i could have cried. i recieved 50 out of 50 points on my solo, 25 out of 25 on scales, which was pretty good, but then 22 out of 25 on sight reading. ARG!!! i am so dumb!!$%* i should be better than this. i think i was because i messed up one of these rhythms and forgot to take a D.C al fine. wow, go figure. i did that last year. but at least i didn't say "oh crap" like i did last year. ladies and gentleman, i am the very carcariture of ladylike.

but other than my wimpy score, i had a pretty good time. i met this guy there, jonathan reed or something. what an excellent musician. i had never heard the string bass played in that way before by someone my own age. after listening to him for awhile i was compelled to introduce myself. now usually i am a pretty reserved person. i don't just walk up to people and start talking to them. i am plagued with self doubt and shame. or maybe, was. the bane of high school leaves, and i am left here. i like this better. not overly caring about little things. my interest goes to the bigger things now.

now i have to worry about funding college. ideally, michigan state. in fact, i will not settle for anything less. but the question is, where does one find money? no one has hired me yet. hollisters keeps calling me back and sending me away without hiring me. what, do they think i will look or act different each time? I REFUSE TO TAN! NO FAKE N' BAKE FOR HOLLISTERS!

yay! dan and amanda are going to prom! i can't wait. amanda says she bought this dress with her mom with this train thing, so when she pulls it up over her head, she looks like batman. that is cool. prom is going to rock. i will probably end up taking my brother as a date, because he is nice and tall, and i won't have to pay for the whole ticket then. you think i have money? wrong! nick is better at saving than i am. it's a problem. but i don't really need anything else for a while in the way of books and clothes, so any money that i get is saved. i almost wish i wasn't going to be in the european tour orchestra from blue lake this year so i could work and get more money. i HAVE to go to michigan state! suren bagretuni is the best teacher in the state, in the midwest.

disclaimer

*note to idiots*
if you don't like what i write, too bad. no one is making you read this. no one is holding a gun to your head and saying "read this blog and then set your friends on her in response to things that don't even have to do with you. " that's pretty dumb. also immature. i don't care about what you have to say, but i don't want to hear it.

*note to others*
same to you. if you don't like it, grow up or get out.

that said, i hope you enjoy the inner workings of my mind, heart and soul. we'll be great friends. you can come and let me know what you think. now that i think about it, okay. go ahead and let me know if you don't like what i write, and i will either respond to you or ignore you, depending on if what you are saying is valid or credible and my mood at the time. stupid comments will be deleted. sorry.

have a lovely day. really, i mean it! ( it is so hard to let people reading blog things know whether i am being sarcastic or not. okay, if i put asterics around what i am saying, usually i am being sarcastic. like if it were *have a lovely day* that would be sarcastic. then again the first one looks more sarcastic than the other. oh whatever. )

oh, and one more thing. this blog will have two parts. the days events, and recent philosophy. sometimes i might skip out on either or both. have fun.

Terrific Thursday

yeah right. no really, it's been fun. did some hanging out with sarah and austin for lunch. i freaked out again and lost my money so sarah had to buy me some french fries. we went inside so as not to confuse them with 3 sepperate orders. too bad i am a complete moron. why am i retarded? well, you see, it has to do with a headache. i have one right now. ouch.

allow me to be cynical. i hate getting ready for college. it is causing my family way more stress than is neccessary for them. it is all my dad ever talks about now. because i was accepted into the cello studio at michigan state (with suren bagretuni, one of the best cellist internationally now) he wants me to go there but i don't have any money and neither does he. college just isn't in the budget. so he drills me on going to muskegon community and grand valley, and commuting places, and blah blah. i just feel bad. this is way more grief than is even neccessary. and then, what is the point? who knows. maybe i should just stay home and work, and forget stupid unneccessary dreams regarding cello. i'll get by.

god, sorry for that. a little rediculous. what happens happens. i will deal. i always do.

state solo and ensemble this weekend. for once, i am not really freaking out about it. state s+e seems like a joke compared to college auditions. now there is a nerve wringer. at michigan state i nearly passed out from anxiety. well, how would you feel auditioning in front of one of the best cello proffesors in the nation? good lord. it is not a walk in the park.

i don't know. maybe i should just become a musician monk. shave my head and practice all day. quit school. quit showers. quit eating. (well, maybe not that far.) that is how i have always envisioned college.

debussy string quartet in g minor