my personal philosophy for the day

I feel like sometimes language is so obsolete, so inaccessible. It is so hard to truly say EXACTLY what it is that you have in your head. And I’m trying right now to illuminate such a feeling, and it is impossible. The world will never know because it is impossible to really explain. The words we have created and assigned meanings to, they don’t really have meaning. They are there, they inspire a basic thought in the minds of others. But it is only there on the basic level. We cannot ever delve deeper into our own thoughts and the thoughts of others, into our true meanings. It depresses me sometimes, to think that I will never actually be understood in what I feel and wish to communicate.

It isn’t fair. Life, this masochistic charade of wanting and needing to fit into some package, some square, isn’t fair. The finest blades of grass are the most easily blunted, bent, or broken. Am I a fine blade? I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be anything in the eyes of society. It is impossible for me to trust them. My life has lent me experiences to shape me in the mold of a misanthrope. I don’t want people to see me and say, there goes Jillian, what a musician. What a maverick. I just want to be me, with out labels, without boxes to be shoved in. I have no desire to be any part of any particular demographic. I would die happy in my solitude in this way. It’s odd how one finds some sort of peace when categorized as something. Introvert, extrovert. It allows us to find like minded people and interact with them. The thought goes, hopefully they will understand me. Maybe this person will be like me.
The simple truth is that no one can understand you, no one can really be exactly like you. We are all alone. And this is why people feel the need to conform. Because it gives them peace to be like others, because then they can talk as like minds. How boring. How trite. There is no fun in that existence.
I have realized that I used to adhere to this mindframe. I used to like putting myself in boxes and think about how alike I was to people. It is folly. What is the sense in wanting to be like someone that isn’t you? Where is the logic in trying to structure your mind and beat your individual thoughts into submission by forcing them into predestined cages. I will never again try to put myself in a cage.