JAESUS

today i had that recital/scholarship acceptance thing. i played pretty well. i had one mental freak out. i just sortof blanked out...i don't know. my fingers crumpled, my mind went blank. i don't know why it happens. its happened before though.

i'm so weird, i'm thinking. i'm watching law and order and i just start bawling. i was crying because this guy's kid was stolen and the police found them, and he was really happy and hugging him and it was just love..love that was all over. love that was tangible, that i could almost feel on my fingers, taste on my tongue. and i'm bawling like a baby. but then some funny commercial comes on and i'm laughing my ass off. i'm such a polar person, hot then cold, happy then sad, up then down. its tiring. in a way, i ache for consistancy, but in a way, i embrace this that is me.