my lesson with uchimura today was excellent. just wonderful. i felt really really good as he lavished praise onto my hard work. i heard "excellent" and "outstanding" at least 10 times throughout it all, which is a rare thing apparently. he just feels out what is bad about my technique, we attack it, i work on it almost obsessively, and i fix it. it feels good to be aknowledged for my hard work. people just don't understand it. no one does. uch kindof does.

he was talking to me for a long time about people and where i am going to go, and for some reason he started talking about my dating someone someday. i was completely agog. i had no idea where it came from or why, but there he was, telling me that someday i am going to meet my "prince charming". i had to work so hard to keep from gagging, seriously. he said something like right now i am driven and focused, wanting to be the best and perform all over the world, but someday i am going to want to start a family and that i should always remember my first love, the cello.

he doesn't understand. i mean, he kindof does, but not really. if had to choose between a family and a proffessional career with my cello, i'd choose my cello. so i don't see myself meeting any "prince charming" ever. i'm not cut out for the whole relationship thing. i don't know anyone, ANYONE who could understand my need for perfection, or as close as i can get to it. a relationship would distract from that focus.that is just the way it is. people think i am sad about this fact, when in actuality i am no such thing. my mother would lecture me about how people are made for people, blah blah. i'm sure that is true, for most people. i just don't see it being true for me.

in this line, uchimura informed me that i am the recipiant of the Haas scholarship or the Hayes, i can't remember the name, except that it starts with an H, haha. uch made it sound like a big deal, and it means that i have to play a recital for this big reception thing...old prestigous people....money....yikes. this means that i have to be SO GOOD they won't believe it. if i catch their attention now, they'll remember that. never shut a door. never shun an oppertunity. never be caught unawares. i must be so prepared. uch doesn't think i will be able to pull off the haydn, but i will. no doubt in my mind. i have the first mvt. learned pretty well. just the 2nd and 3rd to go. i can do this! i need a recording of this...aight.peace out, my loves!