*sigh*

i am a little sad now. not really sure why, which is weird. well, i have a pretty good idea. but guess if i ignore it, it might go away.

a general note; if for some reason, you read this and don't understand what i am trying to say, sorry. but i am not going to write on this thing with the intentions of making sense. i do whatever for my own pleasure or neccessity. so sorry if you don't get it, but your comprehension of me is not quite on my list of priorities. sorry.

anyways. i turned 18 on the 20th. the general consensus on birthdays right now is that they don't really matter anymore. birthdays will now be something that i just forget until a couple days after, then which i will be feeling depressed on not having remember and the whole novelty of getting older and not realizing it. what a dismal prospect.

random rant- i am really sick and tired of people coming up to me when i don't have stupid goofy grins on my face asking me what is wrong. maybe i don't feel like smiling, maybe i feel like thinking. thinking does not generally include smiling and/or grinning goofily. so maybe there isn't anything wrong. maybe i just want to think. maybe i just want to be left alone. maybe i realize that trying to be goofy and humorous constantly is a waste of time.

sorry. just not in a happy mood. and i don't know why.

another issue- i was in a kindof bad, kindof sad, but pretty okay mood before i starting writing in this infernal thing, but now after i have put titles and explanations to these crazy things, i feel echelons worse. so perhaps these journal things merely perpetuate misery and teenage angst. maybe the lot of blog website should be smote by the uprisng of consistantly aware-of-their-own-problems teenagers.

i'm going to take a break from being rediculous now. forget it.