i hate the internet
actually, i hate money. WHY DOES STUFF HAVE TO COST MONEY??? SCREW THE MONATARY SYSTEM> NO GOOD COMES BY IT!!!! (now, economy majors, i know that our whole government and system of living depends on the economy and monatary system, but you will empathize that it is easy to hate money when you don't have any.)
i played my concerto this weekend. it was really really out of this world. not my playing, now. that aspect of the whole shebang was actually sub par. but playing on a stage for people, appealing to them to listen to my music and become lost in it was intoxicating. i was presenting my hard work and my soul to them, to take it and feel it like i do. mr. staudacher gave this huge schpeil about what kind of orchestra student and musician i have been since he knew me, and then i played. i become lost in my own little music world. it was excellent. when we finished and my bow came down, the room erupted in applause. the crowd lept to their feet and there was hooting and hollering of that nature. i felt genuinely happy that everyone seemed to like my music. i only wished that it had been a better preformance for them, so they could hear it as it should have been heard. i was smiling naturally for the first time in a long time. i aknowledged the orchestra. i shook staud's hand. i felt pretty good.
then
then there was the awards banquet. that was fun. i sat with andrew, matt, sara, and eric, which was fun. i was starving. i don't eat before i perform because it really makes me sick to my stomach. but it was all good. staud gave them outstanding musician award to me this year. i was stoked. pictures, more shaking hands. then andrew and matt started yelling "speech! speech!" then i was overcome by anxiety and hurried back to my chair. i didn't make a complete 180 now, in terms of personality. these things take time.
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